Surgeon General's Warning (from the unpublished notes for "Lost In a Lunchbox, Vol. II")

Warning: cigarettes may contain fun. Cigarettes may also contain "coolness", and a relaxed feeling. Cigarettes may cause you to miss five minutes of work every hour due to "smoke breaks". These smoke breaks may lead to increased socializing and possibly camaraderie between you and your fellow workers. Smoking may also lead to increased sexual encounters, though this has not been proven.

Cigarettes may cause you to die before you grow old, forcing you to miss ten, possibly fifteen years of drooling and incontinence.

Cigarettes may cause you to smell like a smoky bar, unless you're already in a smoky bar, in which case no one will notice. And if you're in a bar, you may need to interact with total strangers, lending and borrowing cigarettes and asking for a light. These social interactions may also lead to increased sexual encounters, though this has not been proven.

Furthermore, cigarettes may alleviate general boredom, as you can always step outside for a smoke.

In general, smoking is very bad for you. Increases in smoking may lead to increases in the symptoms listed above. And these are bad. Very, very bad.